Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng; My thoughts

 

General Summary

    In Celeste Ng's debut novel, the story moves back and forth in time following the mysterious death of the Lee family's golden child, Lydia. Throughout the book, we gain each family member's perspective on the events leading up to and following Lydia's death. Celeste takes us back and forth in time and reveals to us major events in each character's life that shape who they are as a person in their present life. We follow them through their grief, anger, and revelations about their familial dynamics and personal lives. The novel explores themes such as identity, belonging, racial bias, and parental expectations. 

Spoiler-free review

   This novel was a page turner that I could not put down once I picked it up. The multi-layered characters, plot, and situation allowed for the book to feel like Russian stacking dolls in which a significant character development would be revealed or a major event discovered, just for it to have another waiting right after it. Additionally, the book's back-and-forth structure is very well done, for it never feels like we are unnecessarily being taken out of the story, as each flashback allows for the building nuance of a present plot or character conflict. Another thing the book handles well is the dynamic of race, especially with how it shifts from the 1940s all the way to the 1970s, and how it affects a singular person and their upbringing, to a relationship, and then an entire family. The way grief affects and changes people is also a significant theme in the book. After the death of Lydia, grief is all the family is consumed by, and we see how it affects their judgment and actions, either for the better or mainly for the worse. The only problem I have with the books is how certain characters deal with the repercussions of their actions, because at a certain point, the disrespect has to come to a breaking point, but that's just me. One complaint I have seen from many other readers is that the book overall was too sad and depressing, I would counter that and say thats only because it might serve as a more realistic course of events that many might not expect from a novel.

Overall, the novel is an excellent introduction to the writing of Celeste Ng. It expertly weaves together themes of race, grief, sexuality, depression, and family without making it feel like a jumble of various plots with no connection.  

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Overall thoughts, I enjoyed the book, but I can understand why so many people say that this book is just depressing, because it is, like, there is not a single moment where you're like WOW, that's a happy or hopeful scene or plot point! NO, instead you're just sad and annoyed because you're reading about child neglect, an affair, sibling resentment, queer fear, and so much more. But I think all the depressing themes are what make it such a great novel because it's realistic, you can dissect everyone and be like, "yeah, James being an outcast and then projecting all his insecurities onto his son, who is a carbon copy of him, makes sense". Especially since it's he 70's and this man has never had therapy. The same goes for Marilyn and her mommy issues. In all honesty, a lot of issues and problems could've been resolved if they had all just gone to therapy. Except for Hannah, that girl needed attention, not therapy.

The nonlinear structure helps develop the story because, as events occur like James's affair, Marilyn's obsession with Lydia, and Nathan's hatred for Jack, we get flashbacks to previous encounters and events that help explain their actions and reasoning, so none of their actions appear too out of character or unreasonable. For example, James's affair, although unforgivable, is somewhat understandable because, in the grand scheme of things, James and Marilyn never made sense as a couple. This is because Marilyn was someone who wanted to be a force of nature, stand out, and be different from the norm, but James wanted to be the complete opposite; he wanted conformity and cultural immersion. So in the end, they married each other to prove something to themselves and society, and not solely because they loved each other. Also, it was a shotgun wedding, so not much room left for love, especially in the 70s.

Lydia Lee

"That girl didn't want to die, she just wanted out of that house" - Jeffrey Eugenides. This quote is the perfect epitome of Lydia's character; she was someone who was suffocated by the high expectations of her parents to be perfect, and in the end, it all became too much. Because who wouldn't become overwhelmed with the thought of needing to be a cool, popular girl when everyone at school views you as an outcast because you're Chinese and expected to be in college-level classes even when you barely pass the basic prerequisites. 

In my opinion, Lydia's story is the saddest. Obviously, she is the only one who wasn't alive to tell it. But things first "went wrong" with her when her mother went "missing", and she decided to take on the burden of appeasing her mother so she never left again. This promise to "always appease her mother" is what led to her lack of personal identity, which ultimately made her feel completely lost when she realized that she would never be able to live up to the expectations put on her. And what worsened her situation was that after being ignored by her brother for hiding his Harvard acceptance letter, she no longer had anyone to rely on. So this led her to befriend Jack and try to form an identity of "bad girl" since Jack had the reputation of a typical bad boy. But even this friendship failed because, for Jack, it wasn't so much a friendship but rather a means to get closer to the Lee family because of his crush on her brother. 

While this may be an unpopular opinion, I do believe Lydia wanted to die. And I understand that she says that she was going to resurface and swim up and begin life again, like the time her brother saved her from drowning years earlier, but no sane person who KNOWS they can't swim would willingly jump into the deep end of a river in the middle of the night when no one's around. So I believe that her depression had gotten so severe by that point that she had become so delusional about her abilities and what was realistic because of how much she wanted out of her situation. 

Hannha Lee

MY SHAYLAA. Always forgotten in your family, but not forgotten in my eyes. 

Lydias' character was one of the most bittersweet for me because she was the one who saw all the problems in her family and knew what was wrong, but was never taken seriously or even noticed enough to tell them to others. And the reason I think she's forgotten about is not only because her parents soely focus on Lydia but also because she was in a way a reminder of Marilyn's time away. While she wasn't a product of Marilyn's disappearance, she was born sometime after, and the family possibly correlated the time that they don't talk about to Hannah, and hence they don't talk/ pay attention to Hannah. 

Something I didn't enjoy about the ending was how Hannah's ending was handled, because when Marilyn finally realized her mistakes and how she contributed to Lydia's death, she finally vowed to pay attention to Hannah and promise that she would do everything differently with her. And mainly it annoys me because I don't understand why it took the death of her older daughter for her to realize "hey I shouldn't place so much academic stress of my children, and ignore others to the point I don't even notice they're there!" Also, I hate how Marilyn failed to notice that Hannah was the child who was ACTUALLY interested in biology and science, because if she hadn't been so hell bent on Lydia doing that, she could have taken a burden off Lydia and given Hannah some attention. 

Marilyn Lee

Girlie, you would've loved birth control. And we know that's true because Marilyn's main problem throughout the book is that she regrets having gotten pregnant and not finishing college or going to med school to become a doctor like she always wished to do. And this problem became so much more exaggerated when she saw Jack's mother go be a doctor and live the life, I assume, Marilyn always dreamed of. And seeing Jack's mother be everything she failed to be was Marilyn's final breaking point because after she decided to leave her husband and kids to go to the next town over and pursue her bachelor's degree at the community college. And this time, while it wasn't her happiest time, it was probably the closest to happy she had gotten to since marrying James. And what saddens me is that she knew that her Husband would never give her the support she needed to complete her dream, which she felt the need to abandon everything she loved. While she wasn't able to complete her dream of becoming a doctor, she didn't let go of it and instead decided to live it through her daughter, Lydia, and placed all the expectations she had given herself onto her daughter x10. Because while Marilyn's mother was never supportive of her aspirations and oftentimes tried to demean them, she was never put under a lot of mental stress by her mother. Marilyn put so much mental and academic stress on her daughter that it broke her, and Marilyn never saw it because she was too busy thinking of the doctor Lydia would one day be. While she did realize her mistakes after Lydia's death, it's still sad to think that if she had just been given the opportunity to finish her degree, Lydia could still be alive. 

James Lee

You trifling, cheating ass hoe! In my opinion, he doesn't deserve his wife, kids, or life. NEVER in my life have I hated a character like I do this one. 

In my opinion, James feels like a whiny excuse of a man because the minute things start going really bad for him, he cheats on his wife! Mind you after their daughter dies and leaves her to her own devices at the house when it's clear that she is not well and I do understand that he also is not well at this time since he just lost his daughter too but like..... it just feels slimy especially since he gets into an affair with his TWENTY YEAR OLD teaching assitant while he's in his forties. His only saving grace is that he was the only one who was burdened with seeing Lydia after her body was recovered from the lake, and I understand that seeing such an image is a heavy thing to carry. 

Another gripe I have with James is his self-hatred and how he projects that onto Nathan, like you would think he would want to comfort him, but no. After seeing that his son is also seen as a weird Chinese outcast by his white peers, like James was in his childhood, he goes on to hate his kid! And also the time he smacked Nathan because he was just nerding out about space, and he was ruminating on the pain of Marilyn leaving, and like..... I understand being in a sour mood because your wife just up and left without a word, but to then lash out at your kid because of it..... again, another reason I don't like him.  

In the end James is given a redemption arch and I dont think he's deserving of it because he FINALLY goes back to his home just to get his stuff so he can move in with his affair partner and on the way back I guess he has a change of heart and instead goes out to reciver a very drunk Naathan and decide to finally love him, mind you he's about to college at this point, and the goes back to his wife and SHE TAKES HIME BACK! Girl be so fr, like I was so hoping that she would drop him, but no, they decided that they still love each other and should try to reinforce their relationship. So James did get a happy ending, but I did not like it because I don't like him. 

Nathan Lee

My man just wants to talk about space. 

Nathan, I feel, had the most textbook reaction to his sister's death because he was very much blindsided by her death. At the time she really started to struggle, he became very focused on his future, which was going to Harvard, moving out, and starting his college life. And while he did recieve a phone call before her death which was her last ditch attempt to reconnect with her brother he ognored it not just because he was still made at her for trying to hid the fact that he got into Harvard from him but also because he was drunk, its stated that he had two or three beers and was of sound mind but despite tthat he still blames himself for not fully answering her call. And besides the guilt, he also tried placing blame on someone for her death, and he chose Jack because of his close proximity to Lydia before her death. While he was only going off assumptions the entire book, it's obvious that his lashing out towards Jack was not just because he thought Jack was involved in Lydia's death. Earlier in the books, it's revealed that Jack was a kid who made him due to being Chinese, and this obviously left a bad impression on Nathan, which made him hate him for the rest of his life. And so there was repressed anger going into his hatred for Jack and his confidence in Jack's involvement in Lydia's Death. 

Overall, I didn't feel like Nathan had too much of a character arc because he was never a contributor to Lydia's expectations; rather, he was a relief from them since Lydia saw him as the only person who understood her without needing to explain. Throughout the book, when we get Lydia's POV, we see her constantly idolize Nathan because og his understanding of her situation. And in the end, it's more of him coming to terms with the fact that he's not at fault for her death and accepting it overall.